A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs.   She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than…….. ……… punch a 5th grader Strike while the……… ……… …….bug is close.
It’s always darkest before…… ……..daylight savings time Never underestimate the power of………. ..termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ………..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…….. ……… ……looks dirty.
No news is………. ……… ……impossible .
A miss is as good as a……….. ……… ….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog……… ……… …math.
If you lie down with dogs, you……..will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust……. ……… ……..me.
The pen is mightier than…….. ……… …..the pigs.
An idle mind is………. ……… …the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there’s….. ……… pollution.
Happy is the bride who……… ……… gets all the presents.
A penny saved is………. ……… ……not much.
Two is company, three’s….. ……… …….The Musketeers.
None are so blind as………. ……… ..Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not……… .spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed….. ……… …get new batteries.
You get out of something what you…….see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind……. ……… get out of the way.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and…….you have to
blow your nose.

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
            metal,
            wood,
            stone,
Anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.                                                                                                                                                                                       One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCE TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and the prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.                                                                                                                                                                                        But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking?? (lol)

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Church. 

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a speech at the dinner.          

He was delayed, so to entertain and hold the guests from becoming impatient, the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
       

He narrated the following:  “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.  The very first person who entered my confessional told me that he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.  He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with the wife of his boss, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his own sister!

“I was appalled.  But as the days went on I knew that my parishioners were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a very fine parish full of good, concerned and loving people...... .”

Just as the Priest finished his speech, the politician arrived with apologies for being late. He immediately started his speech with these words:

“I will never forget the first day when our very kind Priest arrived in our parish,” said the politician.  “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to the confessional.”

Moral:  Well, its basically  very very obvious,

           Never, Never, Never Be Late.....!!!